I’m depressed that I can’t see our marriage lasting.
He admitted to being attracted to his co-worker. When I first met her, they had only been working together a few weeks but something about the way he treated her and talked to her made me feel jealous. But he told me I was crazy and insecure.
But half a year later, he has admitted to being attracted to her. And on Saturday morning he admitted that he thought about her before we had sex the night before. The sex was wonderful, but now I know that he was thinking about her, I feel like he was being unfaithful to me while he was having sex with me. Like he was using my body in adultery with her.
Just last weekend we went to a marriage course organised by our church, and we realised we needed to be more open with eachother, because we are drifting apart.
Now, I just don’t want to be closer to him. I don’t want to be married anymore.
Maybe my husband will always be unfaithful to me, and one day he will leave me. You might think I’m over reacting. But I can see it happening, starting off small, just being good friends with a co-worker (who he likes to imagine having sex with). But it ends up with him leaving me for another woman. (when the kids get annoying and the wife gets boring.)
I can’t imagine ever having children, because I cannot trust my marriage, and I don’t think we could ever stand the extra stress on our relationship that kids would be. This makes me really depressed, because I always thought I would have children. I thought that the only reason I wouldn’t have children was because I couldn’t find the right man to marry.
I have married someone who I can’t trust enough to have children with. It makes me feel like we are just marking time, causing more pain to eachother before we inevitably divorce.